Three Weeks With a Newborn

So these last 3 weeks have been crazy. So so so crazy and so hard. Lola didn't sleep much that first week. And neither did we. Thankfully we had quite a bit of help (Im talking, call chucks sister or mom at 6am and ask her to come over so we can sleep for 20 minutes, kind of help). I was having extreme pain from nursing and I would dread every feeding. Clench my fists and count out loud until it was over. I felt like the worst mother in the world for dreading wanting to feed my baby. 

The second week started rough and slowly got better. I was learning the phrase that every mother has said to me this far "it gets easier" was coming true. Some nights so far have been great with her eating and falling back asleep right away for 2 hours. Once or twice we've gotten her to sleep for 3 hours! 

Aside from feeling like nothing but a milk machine and a sleepless zombie, I have moments where I am so flustered and just cry and cry, or moments that I watch her FINALLY doze off to sleep after rocking her or walking her around the house for hours and see her little smile as she's falling asleep and think "wow, we MADE this" 

This third week has been the most challenging. The last couple nights she has not slept at all unless one of us is holding her and moving constantly. If she finally gets to sleep and we lay her down, she's up in 15 minutes. I swear she has a "mommy is closing her eyes" radar. 

So last night and this morning my mom had to come over and keep me calm and help me not lose it. She rocked her for 4 hours so I could sleep 2 of them. I have the worst anxiety about going to sleep. I'm  so tired and exhausted but half the time can't seem to fall asleep because of all my worry. I can't shut my brain off. 

Well her 3 week pediatricians appointment helped me find a little bit better perspective. She gained 13 ounces in ONE WEEK. All those pillow clenching excruciating 40 minute nursing sessions 10 times a day. And no one but me made my baby grow. 

So as I sit here rocking her in her nursery and she ACTUALLY is asleep on my chest, I realize that all the advice is true. It's all worth it. 

Three weeks of Lola Rose: