My Exclusive Breastfeeding Experience

I don't know if its because I'm a mom, but it seems like every day I see something or read something about breast feeding, so I thought I'd share what my experience was like while I was breast feeding. This is written without any judgement for whatever you feed your child. Breast milk, formula, mashed potatoes. I don't care what it is, we're all moms doing our best and life just sometimes doesn't turn out the way we thought.

Before I had Lola, I was convinced I was going to breast feed her and all would be alright. I got a pump, a nursing cover, pump parts, accessories, nursing bras, nursing tank tops, Medela bottles, the whole nine yards. I was so stocked up and ready. After my c-section, I was so numb I couldn't hold Lola for almost two hours. You can read about her traumatic birth story here.
So by the time I was in recovery, and strong enough to hold her, they told me I should do skin-to-skin and see if she wanted to latch. She didn't even look at me, she laid her head down and wanted to nurse right away. She latched immediately, no problem. It was the most incredible feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. I was hooked.
I had some help from nurses teaching me how to breast feed, some positions I could try since I had an incision, and how to get her to properly latch. It all seemed too easy in the hospital.
Fast forward a couple days and we were home with our girl. I was EXHAUSTED, but Lola wanted to eat every 1-3 hours, so I knew I had to suck it up. Enter, sore, cracked, scabbed over, bleeding nipples. Oh my gosh, I wanted to rip them off it hurt so bad. I remember balling my eyes out and counting out loud to 20 during the initial latch. I would have Chuck count out loud for me so I didn't have to think. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. And we we're doing it 10+ times a day. I knew I had to get help. I went to a couple lactation classes that first 1-2 weeks. The classes seemed to go well, but as soon as we got home, it didn't seem to be working anymore. Lola would nurse for 30-40 minutes ON EACH SIDE at every feeding, and it still was so painful. Everyone kept telling me to keep powering through it and it would get better. Around week 4 I decided I needed a one on one session with a lactation specialist. I had two in one day, and both sessions we did great. But then I was right back to pain at home. I was losing my mind. I literally don't even know who I was at that point. I would spend every nursing session wiping tears from my phone that I was using to find ANY and ALL advice on the internet to help me with this. Lola and I were not bonding, and I was hating breast feeding. I was upset with myself, and upset with her. I felt like the worst mother in the world. But I really needed to feel like I had tried my hardest to make it work, before giving up. 

At this point... Chuck, my mom and dad, and my mother in law were all telling me  it would be okay to stop putting myself through this. I still felt like a failure. The day Lola turned one month old, we gave her the first bottle of formula. I felt terrible, but I also felt the biggest sigh of relief I've ever felt before. I had breast milk in the freezer so for about a week I was able to give her every other bottle of breast milk. I still think to this day "what if" but I also know in my heart what a happy and loving baby she is. She loves to eat, she sleeps like a champ, and she rarely ever fusses. 

What I learned from this experience is that  in order to take care of your baby, to genuinely and really bond with her/him, you must first be healthy and happy with yourself. I didn't get to bond with her the way it should've been for the first month. I regret that. But I don't regret making the decision to finally give myself, and her, the love and care we both deserved. 

Lola's First Easter

I'm having so much fun with all of Lola's FIRST of each holidays. I hope she is too. This was the first one she was able to "act" excited about something. At least to me, it seemed like she was excited. Who knows. I had fun.

We put her to bed in her new Princess Bunny Jammies, which mommy may have bought in 3 sizes. And in the morning, we let her "open" her Easter basket that had been sitting out in the open for a month. She has been sitting up so good so we just sat her on the couch and let her grab at stuff and decide what she wanted. The $5 plastic eggs were the biggest hit. But come bath time, those new bath squirties were the best to chew on. 

 

We played outside a little bit while watching daddy do yard work. And then headed to my grandmas to celebrate with our family. Lola wore the cutest yellow Easter dress for the day. I could not get enough of her! This headband is one of my favorites of hers. She just was the cutest thing in this whole outfit. 

It was such a gorgeous day in Northeast Ohio for Easter. 70+ degrees and perfect for opening windows and letting the fresh air in. 

I don't remember Easter being a mini Christmas when I was little. But I think Lola banked in Easter gifts from her Nana and her Gee Gee. Here she is opening her other baskets.

Hope you all had a memorable Easter. And guess what! IT'S FINALLY SPRING!

Easter Basket Goodies

It's no secret I'm a sucker for holidays. Lola's FIRST of each holiday is too exciting for me. I've had her Easter Basket ready for no joke, a month. Its been sitting on our dining room table just waiting for Easter Sunday. She's seen it probably 40 times by now, and isn't really phased. And I know a lot of this holiday excitement is just for me this year, but I want to spoil her so she knows just how fun holidays can be as she grows up! And one day, we will dying Easter eggs and listening to Van Morrison together and I just know it will be a little taste of Heaven!

So here is what my little miss is getting this year. Something to read, something to wear, something to snuggle with, and something (a few things) to play with!

 

I couldn't wait to have a reason to buy her that adorable deer doll. Was a little pricey for an Easter basket, but I couldn't resist. She will probably just chew on it for a little while, but I always love seeing when a child has something they have to sleep with. My 2.5 year old niece and nephew sleep with the cutest things (like drum sticks, batman figurines, blankets, books, etc) And I just think it's so funny. Maybe this will be Lola's sleeping companion one day.

Of course an Easter book cause I think every child should have tons and tons of books that rotate out for seasons and holidays! Some of our favorite bows that Lola gets compliments on daily. We have too many to admit, but they're just the best price and the cutest, simplest little things.

Lola is SO into tubby time. At 7:15 it's like she knows whats coming at 7:30 and she is ALWAYS all smiles. Before every bath we do our little "tubby time" dance in front of the mirror and I let her stand on the counter watching herself. It the happiest she is all day and just makes us laugh so hard. So we always need more and more bath toys. 

I ordered that flamingo swaddle blanket a long time ago but it was backordered until just recently, so I decided to put it in her basket. We love these for swaddling still, for just covering up during naps, and for playing peek a boo with! And its flamingo, so duh.

I filled the rest of her basket with these eggs and it turned out adorable. I'm not really into the traditional "basket" look, so these galvanized bins at the Target dollar section worked perfectly! I bought a few, cause I re-use a lot of stuff like that for parties.... and her first birthday is already on my mind. I'm sure you're rolling your eyes... Remember how I said my time is limited? I gotta work efficiently!

We are so excited to spend another Easter at my Grandma's with our family. Lola is going to look so cute in her Easter Dress and we're going to love playing with all the cousins!

Hope you all have an EGGSellent Easter!

All the Essentials

Get ready for the longest post, ever.

 I thought I was going to be able to post more frequently about the things we have loved and/or not loved. But as all you moms know, and all you soon-to-be mom's are about to find out, time is limited. So when I'm at home and have a few spare minutes, I'm cleaning my house (cause I'm OCD), finding something to eat (cause I'm starving), closing my eyes for two minutes (cause I'm exhausted), or trying to catch up on all the TV shows I watch (cause I'm a TV junkie). 

I've been compiling this list since Lola was born and I've come up with some of the necessities we have loved. We use all of this stuff on a daily/weekly basis. So lets get started.

 Mobile- It totally doesn't match our flamingo nursery, but Lola LOVES this thing. It was a hand-me-down from my niece and it's been the best thing ever. When she wakes up from a nap or in the morning, I turn this thing on and she will play in her crib by herself for no joke, 20 minutes. Which means, mom gets a shower!

Night Light- Really any night light will do, but this one is THE CUTEST. I spent more then I should have on this night light, but I figure we will keep it for a long time, and it goes with every stage of decor. Night lights are a necessity for night feedings, for checking in to make sure they're breathing 500 times a night, and for tip toeing out of the nursery as quietly as possible after laying your little one down for the night.

Humidifier we actually use this every night. Not just when Lola is sick. It just has become part of our routine, and we have learned how much Lola loves her routine! Funny how this one always makes the list though when your little one is sick.

Sound Machine- This helps keep noise out of her room so we don't have to tip toe around our house while she naps or sleeps at night. She does not like sleeping in silence. Plus I've become accustomed to listening to it on the monitor while I sleep too

Monitor - We went with this monitor because of the wifi capabilities. It has a great picture, and is loud enough for us to hear her perfectly. We've even gotten notifications on our phones that the room is too warm for a baby (even though she wasn't in the room at the time) but I love that

Crib Mattress - We went overboard with this one, but I wouldn't change it. Organic cotton and top of the line. She deserves the best for sleeping!

Fan - Aside from being SO cute, a fan is necessary for circulating air in a nursery. And I know come summer time, I'll be glad we have a heavy duty one in there.

Crib - We shopped so many cribs before deciding on this one. Everything else just felt so cheaply made. So we went on the pricey side and love this crib. It converts to a toddler bed, and eventually a full size bed. So girlfriend is keeping this til she moves out!

Flamingo Toys - how cute are these? Lola got these as a Christmas gift and she loves filling the tub up with all twelve and chewing on every single one

Spout Cover - necessary for when baby sits up and bonks their head on the spout 15 times. Plus, its adorable

 Bath Tub- We love this bath tub. Its so easy, dries and cleans great, and Lola has no problem laying back and loving bath time in it. This is highly recommended for tubby time.

Rubber Duck Temp Gauge - Still use this thing to gauge whether the bath is too hot for our little peanut. Even though she likes it pretty warm, its great to use just in case you're not sure in the beginning.

Shampoo & Lotion - got this shampoo and lotion as a gift and will never use anything else. I know its more expensive, but it smells amazing and makes our girl so fresh and so clean. Plus its made of all things natural (and anyone who knows Chuck knows his crazy obsession with natural soap!)

Bath Squirites - I HAD to buy these for the cuteness, but Lola is just now getting into squirties in the tub. They make bath time so fun and keep her occupied for a while.

 Food Storage Containers- I haven't used these in the freezer quite yet, but when I make food I grab 3-4 to use for the next few days and they're the perfect size. The lid snaps on so no spills. Great especially for when I need to pack her food at day care!

Spoons - We have these spoons (and several more) and Lola seems to like the texture of these the best. She learned how to eat like a champ within a few days after we started, and often tries to grab the spoon and feed herself now

Baby Brezza - A friend told me about this, and I'm SO GLAD I bought it. It makes making my own baby food a breeze. You literally just have to chop food, stick it in here and hit the appropriate time. It steams AND blends it for you. Worth every penny

Bottle Brush  - We just picked this one cause it's pink, and cheap. Works great for those bottles we forget to put in the sink after bedtime!

Bibs - We have several cute, expensive bibs, but honestly I bought 2 packs of these cheap ones cause now that we're eating foods, they get MESSY and soaking wet. You can never have too many bibs in my opinion

Boon Grass Drying Rack- so stylish on your counter, but also so great for drying bottles and all the cute flower attachments work great for drying nipples

Avent Bottles - we lucked out with these bottles. We got the starter kit as a shower gift, and received TONS more Avent bottles as hand me downs from family, and Lola does great with these.

Baby Carrier - got this one cause it's versatile and so cute, Lola hasn't used it much, but we haven't had nice enough weather to use it outside, so I'm looking forward to it more. Its very comfy

Car Seat - Chicco Key Fit 30 is one of the highest rated infant seats and we did our major research on car seats! We have this convertible car seat for when she transitions

Diaper Bag - I really wanted a Kate Spade diaper bag, but I was shut down by the man who said he wouldn't carry one that looks like a purse with flamingo's on it. Dang! But this one works out great. It is HUGE and has a million compartments in it, and works for my obsession with having everything black.

On-the-Go Sound Machine - I've mentioned this one before, and everyone asks me about it when they see us out and hear it on. This thing has changed our life in the car or at a store. The soft noise puts her to sleep so fast, and if shes awake I turn the "melody" on and she just plays in the car seat no problem

Mirror - a must for all those times you think something is wrong and don't want to pull your car over on the side of the freeway again

Cart Cover - Is this not the cutest thing? SO FLUFFY AND SOFT. Perfect for those nasty high chairs at restaurants and germ filled carts in the grocery store. Lysol wipes just aren't enough when your baby wants to lick or chew on the handle!

Stroller - We debated this stroller just because of the price, but in the end, would not go back. This thing rides like a dream, and feels like it weighs nothing! It opens and closes so easily, and can have a second seat added when baby #2 comes along

 

Swaddle Blanket - Can't say enough amazing things about these swaddle blankets. Aside from being the cutest prints out there, they're just so soft and easy to wrap up a tall baby cause they're so big

Kick & Play Piano Gym -This thing is awesome for young babies who lay on their backs most of the day and want to kick, but the best thing is the piano folds up so when baby can sit up she can play the piano with her hands. Lola loves this thing and we've certainly got our Black Friday price use out of it

Baby Lit Books - I'm a sucker for all baby books. But these are just too cute. We have several of these and aside from having great photos, they're really thick cardboard, so no tearing pages!

Avent Pacifiers - We use these pacifiers (we have like 6 but usually can't find one when we need it most!) Lola really only gets a pacifier for going to sleep, and being in the car seat. Other then that we try not to use them. But these are the ones she likes the most

 

Vulli Chan Pie Teether - We have a Sophie, and a Fan Fan (cause they're cute) but Lola definitely takes to this one the most. She loves to grab it and gnaw on those little ears, or whatever they are, I've even caught her trying to shove the whole head in her mouth.

Bumbo Multi Seat - We decided to spend the extra money on this Bumbo (its not that much more) because the pink cushion comes out and can be used as she grows out of it. It also comes with a tray that slides into the back and snaps on the front. We use this for eating and hanging out on the counter when we cook or eat

Safari Exer Saucer - When Lola was ready to go in this at about four months old, I knew it would be a hit. She loves to bounce in this thing and grabs at everything on it, and puts it in her mouth. There's so many things to do on this thing to keep her entertained while Mama gets a few things, okay one thing, done around the house.

Hope this list helps any one in need. And of course, all of these products come in gender neutral colors for the little gents out there too! 

Five Months

Age: 5 months

Height: She is so tall. So many people think she's easily 2 months older then she is by looking at her

Weight: 17 lbs 10.5 oz at the hospital this week

Clothing size: 6 months, 6-9 months, and 6-12 months all fit her no problem. Which means I won't get to put her in any of the adorable summer stuff I bought in 6-9 month sizes before she was here

Diaper size:  we have one size 2 diaper left, and I don't think I'm going to buy any more, since I have 2 boxes of size 3 already here and she isn't getting any smaller 

Eating: she's on a pretty great schedule now. We have 5.5 ounce bottles at 7am, 9:30, 12, 3:00, 5:30, and a 6 ounces bottle at 8pm before bed. She also has her "meal" which is hilarious considering it's the size of an ice cube and takes .2 seconds to down. She's tried oatmeal, sweet potatoes, pears, and avocados. She loves oatmeal and sweet potatoes, hates pears, and hasn't decided if she likes avocados yet. This food thing is fun! 

Sleeping: she's putting herself on more of a nap schedule lately. Or maybe the day care is. She can still only stay awake about 2 hours before acting tired. Or sometimes when I know it's been almost 2 hours, we just go get in the rocker and nap before the crying comes. She's taking 4 naps a day. But the evening nap will probably drop soon.

Favorite toys: her Safari excersaucer, she just learned to jump this week, her teething toys, definitely still her owl rattle, her duck hand puppet she LOVES to scream at and grab, and new this month, her vibrating chair she never liked as a newborn. 

Loves: standing! She is SO proud everytime she stands up. Singing Row Row Row Your Boat (a thousand times), her daddy's funny faces, tubby time, being in just a diaper, playing in her "tent" daddy makes out of blankets, peek a boo, and her most favorite thing ever right now is Louie. She is so interested in Louie right now. Always wants to touch him when he's near by, and smiles, laughs, and makes any noise she can when she can see him. It melts my heart. 

My sweet Lola, you have been so sick with a nasty virus almost this whole month, but you still smile every day, and you make mommy and daddy's heart fuller then we ever thought possible. Every day you change and grow and learn something new. You are the happiest, sweetest, cutest baby, and make us the luckiest parents around

A Sick Baby, and A Mom's Broken Heart

We are in the trenches of battling Lola's first real sickness. It is just as bad as they all say seeing your little one sick. Its literally been a month now. She started with a clear runny nose. Which turned into being really fussy 2 days later. Then a fever of 101.9 for a day and a half. Then a rash for 3 days after the fever broke. And now its really thick gross mucous at night time and first thing in the morning. She's developed a really nasty cough, and the fever is back, and up to 102.9 at times. We have tried everything to get her runny nose to stop. Sucking it out, spraying saline solution, using a humidifier every night, warm baths, and sitting in the bathroom with a hot steamy shower running. I'm pretty sure "waiting it out" is the worst piece of advice for having a sick baby. We have been to the doctor twice now just this week, and she's been diagnosed with an ear infection. The second time we went, the doctor heard slight wheezing, so sent us home with a nebulizer and albuterol. Oh my gosh. My heart was shattering watching her breathe into that mask the first time. And then at home when she would scream. We've been home from day care and work all week. Last week, there was a note on the door stating "your child has been exposed to RSV". Does anybody have anything positive to say about day care during the first year of your child's life? Cause right now, I'm ready to quit my job and be poor just to never see her like this again. 

Please keep my baby girl in your thoughts and prayers until we can move passed this!

Is it effing summer yet?